I've got to admit, I only know the most basic things about Greek mythology, and I actually had no idea that golden apples played such a big part! This is such a cool, focused topic and I'm really excited to see what you do with it!
I love how you set the scene in your introduction, and I think the photo you chose was perfect! I also like that you gave the apples their own voices and made them the storytellers. I didn't expect that at all—so cool!
The only real critique I have is the formatting. The italics for scene description works fine, I think, but I was a little thrown off when the dialog came in. I think that if you're going to use quotations for some of the dialog, you should use them for all of it.
Other than that, I think you've got a great start here and I can't wait to read your stories!
I love the image of the apple! I think maybe you could take those colors and connect that to your site’s theme colors to make it seem less obtrusive on the page. It seems to have two totally different themes at the moment with the light/happy pink and purple and the black and almost luminescent or ghostly feel in the image. The same is true with the image you chose for your introduction. I think you have the right theme going with your images, you might just want to tweak the background to match! I LOVE how you started your intro. It really sets the scene and the image helps to depict it. Most of the stories, including mine, start with an introduction of a person rather than a scene. It makes it a lot more interesting! Side note on the writing…you might want to reword some of the sentences to say “these” less. Maybe if you said the exact amount of apples it would flow better. I like how you broke up the paragraphs. It makes it a lot easier to read. I think you should choose a persona for the eldest apple… It seems as though he is a mix between someone very wise old man and a teen trying to be funny. If you want it to be more serious then go with the old man persona but if you want it to be funnier, maybe don’t say he is the wisest, but the leader? It just seems off that a wise persona would be cracking jokes. Overall though, I really like the way that you set up your stories. It made it more of a story itself! The way you described everything makes it easy to picture. Great stuff!
Very interesting way of telling story! I have never thought of hearing story from the Golden Apples because I didn’t expect them to have intelligence. Yet, in the world of mythology, everything is possible. Although majority of mythological stories was told in third person perspective, the stories were affected by the storyteller’s personal interest. Especially in the view of mortal, the stories might be different since the mortals did not know the whole story and the intentions of Gods and Goddesses. Telling the stories as the Golden Apples would fulfill those gaps because these apples are magical fruits, which allows to access to the realm of Gods. Since they have no personal intentions on gaining fame or power, the stories told by them could be the most accurate ones. I also like your choices of stories that are going to be told. I did not know there are so many stories about the golden apples.
I have few suggestions. What do you think about replacing “glowing balls” with other words like “glowing fruits”? When I read the introduction, I can’t connect glowing balls to golden apples.
In addition, I don’t know much about the golden apple except in the story of three goddesses, Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite. I know they fight each other for the apple, but what is the ability of these golden apples? What power that it can give to the one who consume it? Why can’t the fruit live for so long? What make these golden apples so precious that they have a dragon to guard the tree? Since there is a guard, does this golden apple tree belong to someone? It would be nice if you can add some background info about the origin of this golden apple tree. Otherwise than that, you did well in your introduction, especially in introducing the three main stories that you are going to tell.
Hey! The title of your storybook really got my attention. I have to say, though, I was completely surprised by the direction it took and I think it is very creative. I was able to understand where you are headed with your stories and how they relate by reading the introduction, so you are all good there. There are only a couple of things I would recommend you change. First, I think the sentence that reads "These are the protector.." should be changed to protectors with an S. Also, in your second paragraph first sentence, it might be better to say "another apple suddenly appeared" rather than "an apple suddenly appeared" since there are already lots of apples. I would also recommend adding some details about why the apples are there and what there purpose is. Other than those small things, I think you did a great job and I can't wait to read what else you do!
Hey Stephanie! Okay, so first thing that got my attention about your story book was your title. The next thing that really hooked me was your picture. It makes the reader want to know the origin of the golden apple. So great job on picking a title and cover picture! Another thing you have going for you is you picked Greek mythology as your subject. I have not met anyone who does not love Greek myths. As for the writing itself, you did great. Love the pun you added in there to kind of give a little comic relief. The sudden appearance of the new apple is a really great way to hook the reader even more. I know I am wanting to know why and how the apple just appeared after such a long time of just 99 apples. You can tell the apple is intimidated. Great job, can't wait to see what happens next!
Hey Stephanie, your storybook looks great. You really caught my attention with the physical look of it. I like the dark background and the color of your writing…it really adds to the feel of your theme. I also think your theme is unique and different than many other people’s storybooks. Apples can represent many different things in mythology and just in history in general so I am interested to see what all stories you find to write about. Your introduction was very entertaining to read. I like that you gave the apples personalities and dialogue because it really helped me understand the setting and the background of this storybook in general. I liked that some of the dialogue was funny while the background info was somewhat ominous. It makes it so that your stories can fall anywhere in between which is great. I like that the element of the golden apple is unknown. This makes it so that the apple can have a different purpose in each story.
I like your concept! That’s clever: the idea of telling the stories from the point of view of the golden apples that seem to pop up in various stories. I also enjoyed how you tied it all back together by having the old apple finish the narration at the end.
For some reason I particularly like the paragraph in the middle where she says that she’s not at fault if the bag he’s carrying makes him lose. It’s some pleasant dramatic irony.
So, was Atalanta just that fast? Did she win all of her races fairly and squarely? That might be a good thing to note for the readers.
I’m also curious as to how Hippomenes learns about Aphrodite a few days after the feast. That’s another thing that might be worth clarifying. It feels abrupt.
This was a good choice of both theme and story! Also, I enjoyed how you incorporated relevant images throughout the story. Well done!
Stephanie, I really like the concept of your storybook. Getting to hear all these stories about mythology from the golden apples is exciting, especially for someone like me who absolutely loves mythology. I like how you used a fly on the wall approach for the storytelling. It gives that kind of insider/forbidden knowledge feel to it, which makes the stories that much more exciting. The first story about the race between Atalanta and Hippomenes was a good read. Portraying Atalanta as a strong female role was refreshing compared to the usual damsel in distress sort of portrayal that a majority of Mythological stories do. Additionally, I like the you changed it to where the men who lost were just ashamed of losing to a woman and were not sentenced to death. I agree, the tis way to harsh of a punishment just for losing a race. I can't wait to read what other stories those golden apples have over heard. Great work so far!
I really like the way that you plan to have the old golden apples tell the new apple stories from their past! That is a very cool idea, and I was very excited to read your first story.
In your first story, I did become a little confused because there was nothing that indicated that the apples were telling this story, at least not until the very end. It may be beneficial to add a type of preface to this story, where the old apple tells the new one about something, and then begins telling the story. I also found the line describing Atalanta's toned body a little awkward - it may flow a bit better if you reword it.
Another thing I'm curious about is why would Atalanta be distracted by the golden apples? She seems like a strong and smart character, so it seems a little out of character for her to be distracted by something mid race. Are the apples so magical/powerful that she could not resist? Did she momentarily forget that she was in the middle of a race?
Overall I really liked your introduction and your first story!
Hey Stephanie! When I first saw that your storybook was about apples, I had no idea what to expect. This is such a creative idea! It kind of reminds me of the Annoying Orange on YouTube if you have ever seen that. ☺ I relate to the older apple because I totally try to make jokes in front of people to seem cool. The Thrown Apples was a very interesting story and I really like your approach to it. Most people would write from the original perspective, so I love the twist. I also really love the picture you chose for your main page. I think The Story of Golden Apples is a really creative title and can captivate a reader. I know I was instantly interested! I am really excited to see the other stories you add to this book. You have a terrific overall theme and you are so creative! Amazing job!
Hey Stephanie, I really like the perspective you chose to tell the story. It was a nice change of pace to read a mythology story in first person. I also fell in love with the detail you used in your writing. The imagery is beautiful and really captivates the audience with the unique flow and beauty of your words.
I didn't see the talk apples coming, honestly I was thinking it was going to be something similar to a poison apple just based on the background of your website and the dark features. I think the overall layout of your website is well done and your story is a very interesting approach.
There were some minor things I caught that should be changed, just based on the flow but I'm sure you're still revising your story/introduction. I was distracted by Atalanta's distraction with the apples. Maybe make that a little more clear or create some content into her background as to why Atalanta would be distracted by the apples.
I am really enjoying your storybook so far!! I think you have created a fun and unique atmosphere for your characters. I like that you have provided a back story for the apples, it makes it more intriguing and helps us understand how the book fits together. One wow moment for me was the fact that you keep the apple’s voice throughout the stories. I love that he makes little comments here and there to remind the reader that who is talking. One thing I would love to see more of is the backstory of the apples. It was a good shock when they started talking and I would love to know how that developed and how they feel about being eaten (I’m sure the old apple would have a lot to say!) I think it would also be cool if some of the other apples got a personality! Overall, I really enjoy your story! You dialogue well and your story really flowed! I can’t wait to read more from you!
I’m enjoying these stories quite a bit! I think my favorite part is how you have the apples interject during the story, adding humor and reminding the reader of why this story is being told. So, I know I’ve read this story (For the Fairest) before, and I’m trying to remember how it ends. It would be useful (to me at least) if your author’s note includes some information on how the story ends. Namely, do the goddesses acquiesce so peacefully? It seems out of character, but I certainly like it better. Also, woah!! I’ve never made that connection! I didn’t realize (or maybe I did, but then I forgot) that the Paris who judged this contest was the same jerk who started the Trojan War!! Mind blown! I’m so glad you included that tidbit. Furthermore, I’m enjoying the overarching story. I want to know who this young golden apple is, so I’m excited for the stories to continue!
Hi Stephanie, I really liked how the picture grabs so many people's attention. As I was scrolling through your page, I noticed everyone said something about the picture and the title! The first two things I noticed, too. It was obviously very eye catching, which is awesome! I really liked how you had the apples as the voices, that was a really cool idea I have never seen before. It adds some sort of good humor to the story which keep people entertained. This was really cool. Thanks for an awesome read!
I really like the layout of your Storybook. Most of the sites that I've seen have had a vertical navigation bar, so it was cool to see it flipped to be horizontal.
Your introduction was very solid! The pacing felt really natural, and though the idea of a treeful of golden apples talking seems far fetched, you made the transition very easy and believable. You also gave them personality, which really made them seem like good characters.
The interjections were nicely placed in your first story. Your changes were subtle, but reflect your personality as a writer as well. The dialogue was well-written.
I like the allusion you made to King Midas at the end of the third story to explain the new apple's existence, and it leaves me curious to find out what happens to the new apple that causes him/her to end up in the tree.
Something I would like to know more about is the culture of the golden apples in the tree. What are the general sentiments of the apples? Do they always see an apple leaving the tree as a bad thing, or are there some that crave freedom?
I love your theme, I had no idea golden apples were so prevalent in mythology. I thought it was very original and you executed it well.
You have a great wiring style and it was easy to follow in your introduction. I was able to imagine your story through my eyes, great job. The personalities of the apples also made it easier to follow with and get a background of what is yet to come in your other stories. The dialogue was nice, it helped break up the paragraphs.
I think you executed your main theme, apples, very well. You were able to use apples to tell a story and keep reminding the reader on why this story is important. You used humor, details, and imagery which kept me interested through out your book.
I think the them of your storybook is very unique. It unlike any of the other books that I have come across in thus class so major props to that. I think the layout of your storybook was also very well thought out.
Your introductory image was really great. It reminded me a lot of the movie James and the Giant Peach.
I was initially confused in your introduction. However, using your creative writing techniques and giving the apples a personality brought the book to life.
After reading your stories, I believe you have a real knack and humanizing inanimate objects and telling a story in a new light. Most people would not have been able to conquer that. Overall, great job!
I enjoyed your storybook about the golden apples! My storybook has to do with Greek Mythology too, but I like how yours makes the golden apples come to life. Your storybook is very well done, there weren't any parts of it where I was confused about what was going on or anything. I enjoyed the commentary that the apples put into the middle of the story, it added a bit of humor to the stories. I enjoyed that you had a fourth story that had kind of a conclusion to the storybook. How in the beginning they were all wondering how this weird 100th apple had arrived there and whatnot. I enjoyed your storybook very much, good job and I hope you can continue on writing like this. you do it very well!
Hey Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI've got to admit, I only know the most basic things about Greek mythology, and I actually had no idea that golden apples played such a big part! This is such a cool, focused topic and I'm really excited to see what you do with it!
I love how you set the scene in your introduction, and I think the photo you chose was perfect! I also like that you gave the apples their own voices and made them the storytellers. I didn't expect that at all—so cool!
The only real critique I have is the formatting. The italics for scene description works fine, I think, but I was a little thrown off when the dialog came in. I think that if you're going to use quotations for some of the dialog, you should use them for all of it.
Other than that, I think you've got a great start here and I can't wait to read your stories!
I love the image of the apple! I think maybe you could take those colors and connect that to your site’s theme colors to make it seem less obtrusive on the page. It seems to have two totally different themes at the moment with the light/happy pink and purple and the black and almost luminescent or ghostly feel in the image. The same is true with the image you chose for your introduction. I think you have the right theme going with your images, you might just want to tweak the background to match!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE how you started your intro. It really sets the scene and the image helps to depict it. Most of the stories, including mine, start with an introduction of a person rather than a scene. It makes it a lot more interesting! Side note on the writing…you might want to reword some of the sentences to say “these” less. Maybe if you said the exact amount of apples it would flow better.
I like how you broke up the paragraphs. It makes it a lot easier to read. I think you should choose a persona for the eldest apple… It seems as though he is a mix between someone very wise old man and a teen trying to be funny. If you want it to be more serious then go with the old man persona but if you want it to be funnier, maybe don’t say he is the wisest, but the leader? It just seems off that a wise persona would be cracking jokes. Overall though, I really like the way that you set up your stories. It made it more of a story itself! The way you described everything makes it easy to picture. Great stuff!
Very interesting way of telling story! I have never thought of hearing story from the Golden Apples because I didn’t expect them to have intelligence. Yet, in the world of mythology, everything is possible. Although majority of mythological stories was told in third person perspective, the stories were affected by the storyteller’s personal interest. Especially in the view of mortal, the stories might be different since the mortals did not know the whole story and the intentions of Gods and Goddesses. Telling the stories as the Golden Apples would fulfill those gaps because these apples are magical fruits, which allows to access to the realm of Gods. Since they have no personal intentions on gaining fame or power, the stories told by them could be the most accurate ones. I also like your choices of stories that are going to be told. I did not know there are so many stories about the golden apples.
ReplyDeleteI have few suggestions. What do you think about replacing “glowing balls” with other words like “glowing fruits”? When I read the introduction, I can’t connect glowing balls to golden apples.
In addition, I don’t know much about the golden apple except in the story of three goddesses, Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite. I know they fight each other for the apple, but what is the ability of these golden apples? What power that it can give to the one who consume it? Why can’t the fruit live for so long? What make these golden apples so precious that they have a dragon to guard the tree? Since there is a guard, does this golden apple tree belong to someone? It would be nice if you can add some background info about the origin of this golden apple tree. Otherwise than that, you did well in your introduction, especially in introducing the three main stories that you are going to tell.
Hey!
ReplyDeleteThe title of your storybook really got my attention. I have to say, though, I was completely surprised by the direction it took and I think it is very creative. I was able to understand where you are headed with your stories and how they relate by reading the introduction, so you are all good there. There are only a couple of things I would recommend you change. First, I think the sentence that reads "These are the protector.." should be changed to protectors with an S. Also, in your second paragraph first sentence, it might be better to say "another apple suddenly appeared" rather than "an apple suddenly appeared" since there are already lots of apples. I would also recommend adding some details about why the apples are there and what there purpose is. Other than those small things, I think you did a great job and I can't wait to read what else you do!
Hey Stephanie!
ReplyDeleteOkay, so first thing that got my attention about your story book was your title. The next thing that really hooked me was your picture. It makes the reader want to know the origin of the golden apple. So great job on picking a title and cover picture! Another thing you have going for you is you picked Greek mythology as your subject. I have not met anyone who does not love Greek myths. As for the writing itself, you did great. Love the pun you added in there to kind of give a little comic relief. The sudden appearance of the new apple is a really great way to hook the reader even more. I know I am wanting to know why and how the apple just appeared after such a long time of just 99 apples. You can tell the apple is intimidated. Great job, can't wait to see what happens next!
Hey Stephanie, your storybook looks great. You really caught my attention with the physical look of it. I like the dark background and the color of your writing…it really adds to the feel of your theme. I also think your theme is unique and different than many other people’s storybooks. Apples can represent many different things in mythology and just in history in general so I am interested to see what all stories you find to write about. Your introduction was very entertaining to read. I like that you gave the apples personalities and dialogue because it really helped me understand the setting and the background of this storybook in general. I liked that some of the dialogue was funny while the background info was somewhat ominous. It makes it so that your stories can fall anywhere in between which is great. I like that the element of the golden apple is unknown. This makes it so that the apple can have a different purpose in each story.
ReplyDeleteI like your concept! That’s clever: the idea of telling the stories from the point of view of the golden apples that seem to pop up in various stories. I also enjoyed how you tied it all back together by having the old apple finish the narration at the end.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I particularly like the paragraph in the middle where she says that she’s not at fault if the bag he’s carrying makes him lose. It’s some pleasant dramatic irony.
So, was Atalanta just that fast? Did she win all of her races fairly and squarely? That might be a good thing to note for the readers.
I’m also curious as to how Hippomenes learns about Aphrodite a few days after the feast. That’s another thing that might be worth clarifying. It feels abrupt.
This was a good choice of both theme and story! Also, I enjoyed how you incorporated relevant images throughout the story. Well done!
Stephanie, I really like the concept of your storybook. Getting to hear all these stories about mythology from the golden apples is exciting, especially for someone like me who absolutely loves mythology. I like how you used a fly on the wall approach for the storytelling. It gives that kind of insider/forbidden knowledge feel to it, which makes the stories that much more exciting. The first story about the race between Atalanta and Hippomenes was a good read. Portraying Atalanta as a strong female role was refreshing compared to the usual damsel in distress sort of portrayal that a majority of Mythological stories do. Additionally, I like the you changed it to where the men who lost were just ashamed of losing to a woman and were not sentenced to death. I agree, the tis way to harsh of a punishment just for losing a race. I can't wait to read what other stories those golden apples have over heard. Great work so far!
ReplyDeleteStephanie,
ReplyDeleteI really like the way that you plan to have the old golden apples tell the new apple stories from their past! That is a very cool idea, and I was very excited to read your first story.
In your first story, I did become a little confused because there was nothing that indicated that the apples were telling this story, at least not until the very end. It may be beneficial to add a type of preface to this story, where the old apple tells the new one about something, and then begins telling the story. I also found the line describing Atalanta's toned body a little awkward - it may flow a bit better if you reword it.
Another thing I'm curious about is why would Atalanta be distracted by the golden apples? She seems like a strong and smart character, so it seems a little out of character for her to be distracted by something mid race. Are the apples so magical/powerful that she could not resist? Did she momentarily forget that she was in the middle of a race?
Overall I really liked your introduction and your first story!
Hey Stephanie!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first saw that your storybook was about apples, I had no idea what to expect. This is such a creative idea! It kind of reminds me of the Annoying Orange on YouTube if you have ever seen that. ☺ I relate to the older apple because I totally try to make jokes in front of people to seem cool. The Thrown Apples was a very interesting story and I really like your approach to it. Most people would write from the original perspective, so I love the twist. I also really love the picture you chose for your main page. I think The Story of Golden Apples is a really creative title and can captivate a reader. I know I was instantly interested! I am really excited to see the other stories you add to this book. You have a terrific overall theme and you are so creative! Amazing job!
Hey Stephanie, I really like the perspective you chose to tell the story. It was a nice change of pace to read a mythology story in first person. I also fell in love with the detail you used in your writing. The imagery is beautiful and really captivates the audience with the unique flow and beauty of your words.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see the talk apples coming, honestly I was thinking it was going to be something similar to a poison apple just based on the background of your website and the dark features. I think the overall layout of your website is well done and your story is a very interesting approach.
There were some minor things I caught that should be changed, just based on the flow but I'm sure you're still revising your story/introduction. I was distracted by Atalanta's distraction with the apples. Maybe make that a little more clear or create some content into her background as to why Atalanta would be distracted by the apples.
I am really enjoying your storybook so far!! I think you have created a fun and unique atmosphere for your characters. I like that you have provided a back story for the apples, it makes it more intriguing and helps us understand how the book fits together. One wow moment for me was the fact that you keep the apple’s voice throughout the stories. I love that he makes little comments here and there to remind the reader that who is talking. One thing I would love to see more of is the backstory of the apples. It was a good shock when they started talking and I would love to know how that developed and how they feel about being eaten (I’m sure the old apple would have a lot to say!) I think it would also be cool if some of the other apples got a personality! Overall, I really enjoy your story! You dialogue well and your story really flowed! I can’t wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteI’m enjoying these stories quite a bit! I think my favorite part is how you have the apples interject during the story, adding humor and reminding the reader of why this story is being told.
ReplyDeleteSo, I know I’ve read this story (For the Fairest) before, and I’m trying to remember how it ends. It would be useful (to me at least) if your author’s note includes some information on how the story ends. Namely, do the goddesses acquiesce so peacefully? It seems out of character, but I certainly like it better.
Also, woah!! I’ve never made that connection! I didn’t realize (or maybe I did, but then I forgot) that the Paris who judged this contest was the same jerk who started the Trojan War!! Mind blown! I’m so glad you included that tidbit.
Furthermore, I’m enjoying the overarching story. I want to know who this young golden apple is, so I’m excited for the stories to continue!
Hi Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how the picture grabs so many people's attention. As I was scrolling through your page, I noticed everyone said something about the picture and the title! The first two things I noticed, too. It was obviously very eye catching, which is awesome! I really liked how you had the apples as the voices, that was a really cool idea I have never seen before. It adds some sort of good humor to the story which keep people entertained. This was really cool. Thanks for an awesome read!
I really like the layout of your Storybook. Most of the sites that I've seen have had a vertical navigation bar, so it was cool to see it flipped to be horizontal.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was very solid! The pacing felt really natural, and though the idea of a treeful of golden apples talking seems far fetched, you made the transition very easy and believable. You also gave them personality, which really made them seem like good characters.
The interjections were nicely placed in your first story. Your changes were subtle, but reflect your personality as a writer as well. The dialogue was well-written.
I like the allusion you made to King Midas at the end of the third story to explain the new apple's existence, and it leaves me curious to find out what happens to the new apple that causes him/her to end up in the tree.
Something I would like to know more about is the culture of the golden apples in the tree. What are the general sentiments of the apples? Do they always see an apple leaving the tree as a bad thing, or are there some that crave freedom?
I love your theme, I had no idea golden apples were so prevalent in mythology. I thought it was very original and you executed it well.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great wiring style and it was easy to follow in your introduction. I was able to imagine your story through my eyes, great job. The personalities of the apples also made it easier to follow with and get a background of what is yet to come in your other stories. The dialogue was nice, it helped break up the paragraphs.
I think you executed your main theme, apples, very well. You were able to use apples to tell a story and keep reminding the reader on why this story is important. You used humor, details, and imagery which kept me interested through out your book.
Great Job!
Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI think the them of your storybook is very unique. It unlike any of the other books that I have come across in thus class so major props to that. I think the layout of your storybook was also very well thought out.
Your introductory image was really great. It reminded me a lot of the movie James and the Giant Peach.
I was initially confused in your introduction. However, using your creative writing techniques and giving the apples a personality brought the book to life.
After reading your stories, I believe you have a real knack and humanizing inanimate objects and telling a story in a new light. Most people would not have been able to conquer that. Overall, great job!
I enjoyed your storybook about the golden apples! My storybook has to do with Greek Mythology too, but I like how yours makes the golden apples come to life. Your storybook is very well done, there weren't any parts of it where I was confused about what was going on or anything. I enjoyed the commentary that the apples put into the middle of the story, it added a bit of humor to the stories. I enjoyed that you had a fourth story that had kind of a conclusion to the storybook. How in the beginning they were all wondering how this weird 100th apple had arrived there and whatnot. I enjoyed your storybook very much, good job and I hope you can continue on writing like this. you do it very well!
ReplyDelete